We'll always have Spinners End
by p1nk.lemonade
Summary: Lily Evans is done with school and engaged to someone that she doesn't love. Wrote her thoughts and fears in a letter that hides carefully. Twenty years later, Harry found the letter and wonders wether if he really knew his parents. SS&LE  DH SPOILERS!
1. The last kiss

**This is not my first fic, but my first in this web. Also, I want to try writing in English. I am not a native English-speaker, in fact, I am Spanish, but after spending a couple years as a****n exchange student in Canada, I think I can give it a try. Obviously, neither my grammar nor my spelling is perfect, so I'd love if someone might want to help with that. 3**

**Disclaimer**** All the characters and places belong to J. K. Rowling. I am using them without any commercial purposes.  
**

**ADVICE****. It might contain spoilers from book 7, but they won't be obvious; just some references that won't have anything to deal with the main plot of the DH. However, it is up to you deciding if is worth reading my fic or not.  
**

_1. The last kiss._

Lily heard his voice from where she was sited, waiting for him. He was dealing with something related to his master. He was really mad and it was her fault. After all, she never showed up at their date. There was she was, waiting, just to say goodbye and nothing else. It was breaking her heart in a thousand pieces... She shook her head, trying to make those thoughts disappear. She didn't chose not to go, but someone else already decided for her. The two men of her life hated each other so much... She would have to tell him some lie, a little one. If he ever knew why she didn't go... no. She couldn't let that happen. Lily loved Severus, but she has had to go with James. The Order... what if they discovered she was dating a death eater? Or worst, that she was in love with one?

Someone interrupt her thoughts, appearing suddenly in the room.

"Sev!" she called him, "Sev, wait! I have to talk to you."  
"Get away" he mumbled.  
"Sev, please, listen..."  
"Listen to what Lily? To another pathetic excuse, maybe? Or perhaps, will I have to listen why did you chose to share a wonderful evening with Potter?" he was being cynic as never was before. He knew. It didn't make sense hiding it anymore. "You're a bloody mudblood! Do you even know what they will do to me if they find out? Do you even care about it? About me? About... us?" He was questioning the only things she was sure about. "Lily," he continued holding her face, "do you even love anymore?

"I... I love you Sev. I've always loved you!"  
"So why, why are Potter's fiancée?" There was fear reflected in his lover's eyes.

She didn't answer him. Instead, she kissed him. Passionately but gently, like their very first time hidden in one of Hogwarts´ corridors. Unlike that time, this was the end. They both knew it was their last night together.

Lily accepted James proposal, knowing that what she felt for him could never be even half of what she felt for Severus. James was what she was supposed to do. Severus was what she really wanted. Lily took off the ring that James gave her a couple days ago and threw it away. She'd never belong to James Potter.

"I want you. And I want you to know. Sev... I am ready" Lily whispered.  
" I can wait."  
" I've never been surer of anything in my life."

Severus knew that he was going to be her first time. Not Potter, him. They might not see each other anymore. The Dark Lord was being generous; he thought Lily was just a hobby. He knew nothing about Severus feelings for the muggleborn. If they ever find out... he didn't care what happen to him, but they'd kill Lily. Or maybe, they'd torture her and play with her until they got bored and finally put and end to her life. And then, there was The Order. Even with the bizarre obsession of the old Dumbledore with love, they would never understand them, even less approve them. Lily never loved Potter, but it was the only thing she could do to make Severus safe. It was a necessary sacrifice.

Lily tried not to look at his tattooed arm when he took off his t-shirt; instead, she tried to focus on his eyes. After a few seconds, she closed hers. She wanted it to be special, and it was. Her first time was with her first love. The only one she'd ever truly love

It was almost time to leave, but Severus was still sleeping. Lily smiled; he loved to sleep until late and find her with one of his t-shirts that were extremely big for her, in the kitchen with her usual smile. But there wasn't any smile this time. She left a letter for him, and after thinking it twice she picked up her favourite t-shirt of him. Without looking back, she apparated in Godric´s Hollow.

**This is a short chapter, just two Word pages. I promise the next chapter will be more exciting and longer.**

**I t****ried not to be too graphic in the scene between Lily and Severus, and describe just her feelings (this is not an erotic fic people . ) Although I am so sorry if someone found it offensive.**

**If you like my fic please click the go button and tell me! -  
If you didn't, please click it anyway and I'll try harder next time. -  
**

**All opinions are welcome and loved!! 3**


	2. The letter

_**Welcome back**__**! As I promised, chapter 2 is longer and more interesting. It isn't the funniest ever; in fact, I found it quite sad after proofreading it, but the story is supposed to be tragic.**_

_**I'd like to thank my readers, **__**especially Yashida and Fliflopper333. Thank for the reviews!**_

_**If you have read my story and didn´t like it at all, please, write a review!!  
If you did like it, write it anyway!!  
It would be great for me to know the opinions of the readers. Also, you can ask your doubts about the plot, the characters or just tell me how much do you hate because I am destroying the english language!  
**_

_**Some before-reading **__**explanations**_

_**-Lily and James got married right after leaving Hogwarts, between the summer of 1978 and the winter of 1979. In my fic it turn out that the earliest chapters are during the summer, so they would get married around October 1979, when they are nineteen (Lily was born in January and James in March; both in 1960) .**_

_**-They both have finish school in the summer of 1978. Neither of them need a job since James's parents were very wealthy and left everything to their son. **_

_**ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**_

2. THE LETTER.

James knocked on the bathroom door. Lily said she was going to take a bath, but that was almost an hour ago. Maybe she had fallen sleep. Lily loved really hot water. He knocked harder.

"Lily, Lily!!" he called. "Are you OK? Lily, if you don't answer I'll go in there no matter what! Lily!! Are you listening?"

He kept knocking; sooner or later Lily would come out. He had tried to go in, but she had shut the door with some spell he couldn't break. After all, she was a better witch than he was. James breathed slowly, if she didn't want to open the door she'd have to stand all the screams.

Inside the bathroom, however, neither James nor the knocking noise were heard. Lily needed relax. One week had passed since she left Severus's house. Her future seemed black with James. Although he was great; he didn't even invite the Marauders to home anymore. One of them was OK, but no more than that at a time. They were childish, stupid and cruel. Remus was not so bad, and Peter was like if he always were under a bad conjured imperius, always mimicking his friends and trying to impress them. Sirius was another thing. Sirius plus James was an explosive combination, and much worse if Peter was there to cheer them up or Remus to perfection their plans. Lily decided enough was enough when they brought a vampire home. Their plan was to keep him there until the morning, and then convince him to bite a couple of old Slytherins. Everything was as planed, until the vampire rebelled against Sirius's imperius and tried to fly away with Lily to make her his new girlfriend once she was bitten too.

"James Alexander Potter," she faced him one night, "if you love me, please, stop bringing the Marauders home. At least not while I'm here." "Lil, babe, you know that I won't bring more vampires home. That was stupid. See, we drank more than we usually do."  
"That's the problem James, you always drink more than usual when you are with your friends. And the drunker you are, the stupider your plans become."  
"We don't always drink..." he tried to defence himself. They have fun when they were sober too! "What about when we play quidditch?"  
"The neighbours saw you."  
"And could tell how talented we are."  
"They're muggles! They are not supposed to see you!"  
"Yeah... but we cast some spells on them, remember?"  
"And now they think flying on brooms is normal"  
"Well, it is normal"  
"But not for them James!!"  
"How about our Saturday's breakfast? Those aren't dangerous for anybody"  
"You burnt the kitchen last time!!"  
"So, we'll have a new one!"  
"Two weeks ago you almost killed my cat!! I still can't understand what the hell you and your friends were thinking to pour boiling coffee on him"  
"That cat hates us. He bite Wormtail and scratched Moony. I bet he thinks if he destroys us you'll love him even more."  
"James please, don't bring them here anymore." she implored, "at least not all of them. One day one, another day other... I am sure they have houses too where you could go and destroy yourselves… err... have fun. But please, not here."

How could she be doing this? He was in love with Lily and he had given his life for her if have had to, but his friends? Was he supposed to choose between his friends and his girl?

"I'll try not to bring them here when you're home" he said. A few seconds later he disapparated.

James was mad, but it was better leaving him alone. Lily felt so lonely and did what she'd been thinking for a long time. Lily went to Spinners End, to the house of her old school boyfriend. After finishing school they've seen each other several times, always in secret. Lily was only eleven when she knew her best friend would be painfully told that they couldn't be friends. The same feeling back then was same now, eight years later. In their first year she told him she hated him just to protect him. If they weren't friends no one would punish him for it. That Christmas Severus went to visit her, they lived only a couple blocks away from each other. Lily found herself under the mistletoe with Severus kissing her for the first time. They decided to keep secret their relationship; it was the next best thing. A smile was drawn in Lily's face, it has been Severus her first kiss, and not a Ravenclaw a year ahead of her as she had told James.

James… Wasn't that his voice outside the door? He loved her too much. She was sure James had thought she had drowned.

"Lily, honey" James said when he finally saw Lily coming through the bathroom door, "I thought something had happen to you." He seemed really worried. Lily had never seemed him like this. He tried to hug her, but she slip from his arms.

"I am fine, don't worry about me"

James frowned, "I worry about you. I want to worry about you" and he softly kissed her, trying to tell her all she seemed unable of understand.

James was in love with Lily. Why she couldn't see she wasn't a whim? There were going to get married, for Marlin's pants! There had been many girls before her – but not as many girls as Sirius had had, as he liked to clarify – but any like her. James had liked her since the first day he saw her, in the Hogwarts Express. Lily was a popular girl in Hogwarts; she was really pretty and smart. James suspected her heart had been broken, but she never spoke of it. Lily Evans was a box of secrets. Like a couple nights ago, when they had sex for first time. Lily wanted to continue virgin until marriage, but she almost implore James. He wasn't sure about the whole thing. Why such a rush? James was not virgin, but he had waited a whole year, and the wedding was a couple months away. Something was wrong with Lily, but he didn't have any clue. Only one thing was sure, after nineteen years he still couldn't understand women.

oooooooooo

Lily had waited all the week for girl's night. Her three girlfriends would come and they'd have supper together and talk about what was new in their lives and probably they'd end up having fun in a random muggle club, or in Hogsmeade's pub or in a friend of a friend's party. But that was not going to happen. Beatrix was sick, a bizarre disease that made her able to sing wonderfully –she'd never can even sing a single note before- and unable to stop. St. Mungo's healers were disconcerted but quite amused. Her other friend, Meghan, sent an owl with her excuses, apparently someone from a quidditch team she couldn't name wanted to talk to her. It was very important for her career as keeper. There was no girl's night with just half of the people. Despite Natalie's collection of complains, threats and curses, Lily cancelled it. She didn't feel that good after all. James was off with the guys and not coming back until late next morning. Lily probably could have some quality time for herself; a bubbling bath, quiet music, and hell, why not, even a hot chocolate with marshmallows on top. James wasn't there to make fun of her because she liked drinking hot chocolate in August.

Lily was enjoying her chocolate the way she liked it the most, sited in her sofa after having a hot bath and dressed only with her pink bath robe when the flames in the fireplace turned green.

"Prongs was right, you totally look like a teddy bear!" Lily couldn't believe it. It was was Sirius's head, speaking from the fireplace. Before she could manage to reply, another head appeared."Shut up Padfoot!" it was Remus this time. "We're sorry to disturb your party… err… chocolate, but we were wondering if you'd be able…"  
"We don't have the whole day Moony! Ask her, o I will!" Sirius interrupted his friend.  
"Well, we just want to know if we, I mean, Sirius and me can go into James's, I mean, your bedroom…"  
"Moony, you are driving me insane! What we want is redecorate James's bedroom" and he winked Lily with a malicious smile.  
"I am not following you." She didn't like them, and didn't want to pretend.  
"Yes you are Ginger. Remus and me are going to redecorate the bedroom" he repeated talking really slowly, like if Lily was a little child. "And now the difficult part – look at my eye: wink, wink" he continued at the same time he winked twice. Then, he came out the fireplace followed by the werewolf that grumbled some sort of incompressible excuse pointing at himself, Sirius, the fireplace and himself again. Finally, he followed the animagus inside the room.  
"This is great, simply great" Lily thought as she finished the rests of the chocolate. "I want to spend a quiet night and then those two came into MY hose, without permission because they want to redecorate the bedroom. What do they mean by redecorate? I'm sure it is because of a joke, or worse, a bet. Here I am stuck with those idiots… I don't have to stand this."

She managed to write a quick note to her fiancée saying that having both Remus and Lupin but not James was way over the top and she was spending the night over at Nicole's.

"I am coming, I am coming!!" Nicole answered from the inside. "Lily! What are you doing here… and like that..."  
"Long story. It begins with a quiet night and ends with Lupin and Black in my bedroom. Care for the rest?" She was still wearing her robe and holding the mug with the rests of the chocolate.  
"Come in, you can borrow some of my clothes."

Once Lily was fully clothed, they sited down in Nicole's bed, like they used to when they were younger.

"Are you going to tell me, or do I have to ask why were you knocking on my door at midnight?""Nicole, I've made a horrible mistake…"  
"Don't be silly. You woke me up but that's not a horrible mistake. If I were Meghan, it'd have been… Remember that time when we woke her up and she begin to curse until…" She stopped when saw Lily. Silent tears were running down her face. "Lily honey, what's wrong? Have you run away?"  
"No, but I thought of it. I… I don't love James Potter. And, I couldn't imagine myself saying this before but, he is a really sweet guy. I don't want to hurt him."  
"Lily… are you in love"  
"Aren't you listening? Didn't I just say that I am not?"  
"I know you don't love Potter, but do you love someone?" The red-haired was silent, so she kept going. "Do you still love… Snape"  
"What? Of course I do not! How could you even think of that?" there was a hint of iron in her voice.  
"You can lie to Potter, to Meghan when she's asleep, to Snape if you fancy it, but not to me. I know you better." Lily hided her glance from Nicole's eyes.  
"Lily, look at me".  
"I can't" Lily said really quiet. She was still looking down.  
"Of course you can look at me Lil, I am not a basilisk."  
"I can't marry James, but I can't be with Severus either."  
Nicole couldn't think of anything to calm down her friend. She hugged her, that used to work. "Lil, try to get some sleep, that might help you. I'll sleep in the other room."

oooooooooo

Lily woke up when it was still dark outside. It was so stupid breaking in tears in front of Nicole. She cleaned her face with her hand as she though of her dream. In it, she wrote a letter to someone of the future and hided it in her Gringots vault. A boy from the future found it and tried to help Lily. The fact that the boy was very alike James and wearing a pink apron the real James never had worn wasn't worth considering it. The idea of writing a letter was genius. True that trusting her fears and doubts into someone that she didn't even know was quite sad, but that was the best hope she had.

"_Dear someone of the future,  
_

_ I am Lily Evans. Maybe you already know me, maybe you don't; but if you have found this letter you are related to me in some way…"_

Lily folded the finished letter neatly and saved it in a purse she'd borrow from Nicole. Now, she'd have to go to Gringots, put the letter in the vault and wait. Lily heard Nicole going downstairs. She folded the letter and put it safely in between her clothes.

"Nicole!" she called her from the top of the stairs. "Let's go to have breakfast to some fancy place. It's on me, but we'll have to go to Gringots first. I need to get some gold."

**o****oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo**

_**I hope you have enjoyed the chapter**__**! I planed to write about Harry, but I had to cut it off. It is already a long chapter! Harry had appeared in Lily's dream. He'd never wear the pink apron either, but it is a dream and should be a little funny. We'll get more Harry in the next chapter.**_

_**Click the go button: Sirius, James, Remus, Severus and Lily will be very happy!!  
who cares about what Wormtail feels ; )  
**_


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